you gotta be out there
you gotta be somewhere
everywhere you are
im waiting

yucks, im very disgusted with myself, i cant stop eating!
-pokes my fats. (esp thighs pls)
i need to run 10 rounds around the cj right angled track.
i need cj pe right now.

anyway decided to stay in cos of my strong-willed diarrhoea that doesnt seem to give in. but my plans fell through today anyway.

HAHAH something just happened. im smiling now. k im nuts, its nothing much.
hee.
ive found a new prey to listen to my silly ramblings ; my sister. hahah i think everyone else is bored with me. we talked till 1+ last night. was quite nice, like the old days :)

anyway i met janice at sengkang mrt jst nw to pass her the danceworks pants to return to ryan. THANKS GIRL. im so grateful! saved me a trip. haha i just bought the kelly clarkson's breakaway! was wondering whether to buy tht or michelle branch's hotel paper (i keep changing my mind, was previously very into maroon5 then lost interest, then yellowcard, but people told me it sucked, then simple plan, but hwing lent me tht day and it wsnt tht great) ..i lost the cd of the latter. so dumb of me huh. i keep flipping out the cover hoping tht the cd will reappear miraculously. its gone now and forever more! i loved it :( used to listen to it when im sad and morbid. hahah. but anyway kelly clarkson's pretty good :)

cos there are these nights
when i sing myself to sleep
and im hoping my dreams will bring
you close to me
are you listening

i miss quality time with tings a lot, i have to say.
and ele too.
:(
im feeling alone, i dnt knw why. always happens whenever i stay in during the hols.

shopping with steph tmrw, oh my goodness gracious. i SO need retail therapy. cannot wait. and we're tanning too. hopefully i'll be feeling better after it all, i love that girl.

Oh cos I dont know
I dont know what hes after
But hes so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

im longing for love and the logical
But hes only happy hysterical
im waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

kelly clarkson's beautiful disaster, on repeat mode.

im just another friend, i know.

realised i havent been blogging for only 3 days,
but they felt like forever.

monday i met up with my pri school mates ; kmiang, marilyn and evadne, we took neos! (again) then i went to meet tings aft she sat for some england exam. and i suppose tht girl's in shanghai nw or smth -frowns. ths will be worth getting used to i guess..oh welly, your presence is being very much missed babe :D sorry i ws sucha stoner ystd.

today i went tanning w steph! we're always have mellow times togth. and erm, our tanning wsnt very successful. it ws more like a grow fat day. we ate like, ALL the time. wht is ths. i had wholemeal bread in the morning complete w tomatoes, lettuces, cheese and ham and daisy hi lo and then had half a bagel and pure choc whn i met her, then drank iced lemon tea then ate spaghetti and apple juice. all within like, 4 or 5 hours. FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahh. ):

anyway. i ws hardly tanned. only a tad red at my arms and chest. oh nvm, thrs thursday and saturday sessions to look forward to. hahah I HOPE IT DOESNT RAIN!!

anyway. after that i met da, mina, dinah, huiying, yimin and jade..we watched robots!! its damn cute. and yknw i dnt really like cartoon movies but ths is nt bad la. the graphics are pretty good. and cute. haha. robots using robots?? then we walked around. i can feel my leg muscles at work agn. the key is to wear heels. hahah. had dinner, ahh i miss the chanmalis and 4C people..i even took the bus all the way to amk then take another bus home. and when we passed by cj, i ws stung by ths wave of nostalgia. sucks to be leaving tht place, ive pretty much grown accustomed to it :( it seems wrong to be saying things like tht somehow, but well.

been feeling rahh-ly stoned recently, what with the recurring diarrhoea and - and all. i will jst die frm shitting.

night, world.

im the one who wants to be be with you
deep inside i hope you feel it too

yikes, feeling very empty now -looks at hwing.

anyway ystd had macs breakfast again. the guys were erm, entertaining themselves. overall i think my last day of school ended quite monotonously, sadly. haha met up with steph!! we were like, slugging @ wisma's coffee club couches and being lame asses. talked :) i love! hahah. yes, we MUST go tanning ths hols. poor sq though. hope youre feeling a lot better :) ahh, i miss tings, mst call her ltr or smth. anywayy

went back to school for the rockafella skank. was late. and anyway the freaking concert was quite a failure. was terribly bored. but practically all the drummers were really good! coolio :D and the last band was the best. i think guys should sing la. the girls' voices were jst drowning in all that music. i just hope we wont think of our favourite songs differently after last night :| whn they announced they were gonna sing a yellowcard song i was half afraid it ws only one. good grief, they sang ocean avenue. haha k im mean. but not bad la, quite entertaining. wai was giving me weird looks tht read 'why your school concert so bleah?' hahah. ele and i were, oh my, goodness gracious. haha.

i think ive been having a very pleasant holiday ever since i got back my results. grand stand everyday. its jst tht i have to wake up at 540am and wear my school uniform. and now that the real hols are here, it feels wrong. like my routines are suddenly disrupted and causing me to malfunction :| what am i talking about. ok i will..go and find something to do. jolene+my saturday plans have failed miserably..haha and i dont feel like going out anymore. will ponder about ths strange and queer feeling. haha.

yikes..!

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

You Will Die at Age 76

76 You're pretty average when it comes to how you live... And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

but i wna die at age 50..

if i had my way, i'd never get over you

yayness, i spent the week catching up with people :)
monday i went to ree's house after her lessons ended. we were being lazy slugs, lying on her couch and watching mtv and eating the whole time. and today i went out w her..we were bth really sleepy. walked around like zombies but laughed a whole lot too. took ugly neos (whts new, we were SCARILY white though we already chose the darkest shade) and i went on a shopping craze. bought yet another pencilcase (i really really like ths one), forever21 skirt, and mango top! shua shua shua. haha. then we sat at cine food court, ate, and talked a lot, i love ths girl :)

and today hwing ws being very naughty. we cabbed away frm school at 10+ and went to the Very Cool serene's centre for mac's breakfast!! i love hotcakes with maple syrup. and the margarine! satisfying! we talked a lot (actually we were like, gushing. hahah. TUBBY ah.) and we bought jx's present (a sad box of ferrero rocher) and i bought the new gossip girls book :D :D and then and then! she made me sit on the stupid horse toy machine and pt in coins! i ws like, humping the freaking horse. and she happily took retarded photos of me. hahah. hilarious. I LOVE HWING!

ystd ws spent with my wiffa! shes so freaking adorable, we took 3 neos and scribbled and drew on one of it so much! very fun. and we were like, laughing hysterically at nydc :D ahh, i will miss ths one a hell lot when i leave cj :(

sigh, all these negative thoughts.
i will miss the people in cj a lot, thought i ws gna have a horrible first 3 mths, hating everything violently but nw everything has reversed. i wish time would slow down :(
im loving my class people a lot, hwing! jolene, don, brendan, amd, everyone! sigh. im getting very depressed. will stop right here..

giving up, is never easy.

i will be happy

today is yet another major pon day, i dont know what i go to school for, unlike busted does. haha ok very lame. anyway today was quite a bad day at school, i dont know why. ok maybe i do knw -looks at hwing. but whatever :(

anyway hwing my dear girl, im sorry i got so very emotional on you. haha and thanks ALOT for saying everything that you said, im ultra glad i have you, really. anw we mst pray for release of results :| haha.

anyway the stupid grand stand, nobody should sit there alone when already initially unhappy. its The place to get very depressed. so there i ws, falling deeper in the black pit, till i heard wiffa's angelic voice calling me, ringing from afar. hahah. i was so happy! :D ok i think im being very exaggerated but yknw what its like, still feeling ugh.

went to far east long john's to meet the others, bashed the chilli to pulp and hwing got very disgusted with me that we came up with yet another episode to our story that just cracked us up like nuts. hahah. amanda was like huh?? while we chuckled away. haha then we went to monsters and they pooled, AND i will want to state right here that i DO NOT like to pool, so pls STOP/DO NOT ask me why, and make me pool. i dnt detest it, im fine with watching and commenting and everything, but i will not participate. its jst a thing. fullstop. grr. anyway dadeedoo came into the picture and made my day better. haha i swear i was gonna drown in my own fake laughter and smiles. ugh ugh ugh.

anywayanywayy we ate and caught up, im very relieved and glad that we talked, its been a very long time -nods. we msnt drift okay?!? i love you! and also, thanks for listening to all my crap -laughs. i think i ws such on a roll that i stopped eating while illustrating my stories. hahah :) oh, then we watched a moment to remember, and i would like to highlight that ths is a MUST WATCH! oh my. i cried buckets. actually, i was more like, sobbing hard or something. i think freda ws qt freaked out by my rather overwhelming response. haha. its THE sweetest show, EVER. sigh. oh, there ws ths couple next to us, and the GUY was crying la. i could hear him! :|
(what are you crying about? did your parents die or did you lose your country?) hahah.

tmrw gonna catch up with my wiffa. midget gem, CANT WAIT :D
i think ths entry has been very shoutout-y. ah whatever.
i will be happy.

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I'd thought it'd be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things that I said

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing could save me
But it's the only thing that I have

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It's hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

my heart plunged, i dont know what for.

i wanted to tell you about my day ): where are you now

tutoring today was quite horrid. the 1030 class kid was being ultra good, im gonna buy her barbie chocs/sweets :) but i cnt say the same for the 12 class. yikes, it was chaos in class. one was being such a bratty and annoyingly giggly smartass (pain in the ass) and the other the super slack and NOISY. riot. couldnt get her to do any work. she just kept babbling on about jolin tsai or that cyndi singer. sheesh. i told her they were just plain acting cute and i couldnt stand them. and when it came to S.H.E, i HAD to put an end to it, retorted that they were disgusting and made her do her work or else she wouldnt get to draw stars on the board.

exasperating.

speaking of which, i AM exasperated.
what am i thinking? :|
wrong, wrong, wrong.

anyway, jc plans ;
1. national
2. anglo chinese
3. st andrews
4. catholic

sigh. i hope ive made the right decisions. this sucks, im gonna miss cj like fuck though. :(

replies!

jocelyn heyy, how did you find out about my blog?? haha anyway, not very well, but still a lot better than i expected. haha. you? did well, i suppose :) where you going?

momsie!! thanks for the thoughtful gifts by steph+you, i thought it ws indeed from lee hwa when i saw the bag. hahah kidding. am loving it a lot! :) yea i knw, i feel very myself when im hanging out with you guys. like, back to the past though we're in the present. haha sorry, i was thinking how things changed :( sad, aint it? nvm, we mst meet up soon again and play stupid lame games that the jcs have taught us. haha glad you like your pres!! :) not sure about the part where you think youre holding a little wendy though..haha. miss you uber!! -hugs. dont be long lost again ok??

After school
Walking home
Fresh dirt under my fingernails
And I can smell hot asphalt
Cars screech to a halt to let me pass
And I cannot remember
What life was like through photographs
Trying to recreate images life gives us from our past

And sometimes its a sad song

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through

he says all the right things at exactly the right time

ahh. i really honestly have no idea where to head to. i think nj would be out cos im really lousy and cannot catch up with the other bright bulbs. but theres tings there and the magnet pull there becomes strong..and i crashed ac ystd to find out what its like..its not as bad as i thought it was but its really far and i didnt feel like i belong there like i do now in cj. and i want to stay in cj bt then again, i dont want to cos their econs suck. and theyre good in history bt im nt so sure abt their lit. and then someone in sa told me sa's lit is good. bt don and jacob says sa's arts will not be as good as cj. so as you can see, im in a dilemma and talking to myself.

poo.

is it true that the deadline to register has been extended to monday?? its really bad,that i keep procrastinating, but i really hope so, thats wht my mum told me but nobody's replying me cos its early in the morning and theres no school today so everyones probably sleeping and im the sole early bird talking to myself at such wee hours on a no-school school day. haha im mad.

i slept for 11hours, went home feeling really sick. ugh. all those pretence of being sick is bad karma. my nose began bothering me when i woke up ystd morning and then my throat too, when me+the other crashers were lying around in their comfy but smelly cafe. haha i became temporarily well again after being fisherman's friend and nim jiom's too. hahah. but TEMPORARY, i say. after hitch and when i reached home, i wanted to die. my head was gonna explode..really bad headache. plus, i was having cramps. yay.

but im really strong and fit as a fiddle now! (nearly) after a pill. yay!

anyway ystd was fun (: somehow. haha.
hitch is really good. there were 2 typically blond and suave and aww-worthy guys. all the happy endings..haha. will never take place in my life.

anyway, gonna catch up w ele and hopefully, tings ltr, before she leaves me, again. haha.

tatas!

i look at all these people, and i wonder
what has changed?

my comp has been weird, cant reach the create new post blog.
anyway, now im here
and i guess im pretty content with life presently :)

monday wld have to be the best day of my life, probably, to date.
saw both eye candies roaming about, had very nice orange bowl, o's results were a pleasant surprise and caught up with tings, everything was just right :) thanks for ralph lauren cool (another to add to my collection, youre the best :)) and the lancome juicy tube btw :D am loving it very much..!
anw ystd i was 'sick' again and towned with the best friend, haha. joyce was with us throughout, but left before we watched the movie. she cut her hair, and cldnt stop fretting redundantly that she looks like a boy now, all the rubbish. shopped (rather fruitful :)) and watched white noise. it ws qt a lame show..ah bt we had fun and ate good food, nonetheless. i love tings a lot! im so glad we've reached a new level of understatement.

and today i watched hide and seek with hwing, jolene and jx. yet another qt dumb show..no comments. havent watched a good movie in a long time..i hope hotel rwanda will be good! will be catching that w da ths sat :)

ele, we mst catch up soon!! hope all is right :)

oh yes, today's pe ws horrible. i got a cold for running in the rain. i forsee a sore throat threatening its arrival too. was freaking pissed. SUCKY. i hate -.

im very annoyed with certain people right now. theyre dampening my mood very much, pls, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! are you shallow or are you not.
grr.
and you, piss off.

i dont wanna close my eyes,
i dont wanna fall asleep cos i miss you babe
and i dont wanna miss a thing

im at steph's hse now :) gna meet sq ltr for her very belated bday celebration. i love all these meeting ups :) though its not very often. oh well. they will be more treasured than ever :) she ws making me listen to hokkien songs. the songs were melancholic and sad and she looked so solemn i didnt knw whether to laugh or to try to appreciate the hokkien kim po ying song. hahaha. we laughed, we talked, we ate chocolates! :D i love you queenie! thanks for being there!!

ystd ws brendan's early early bday bbq! happy birthday, spongebob! :) thanks for having me over. your party ws quite fun la. me+ele ate up all your grapes and got very high jst doing that. hahah the vodka was so strong and stingy! sorry that we were so bleah halfway (not aa k!) and also that we suddenly went up for supper (im not dirty!) after disappearing for 1.5hrs. haha at least we talked! and saved you momentarily from the drunk ah peks! haha hope youre feeling much better! :)

and the danceworks thingy was lots of fun! though the ending was kinda screwed..oh well. still, had fun! :D was VERY sweaty and sticky though. the eyeliner ws a constant worry :| and the midriffs!! yikes. tummy tummy when we sit down, not good. poo. made me all conscious. and ele+janice, stop teasing me abt non existent stuff! -big eyed glare. haha anw, the dancers did a great job! im sure they'll do well in the finals!

went to fetch tings from the airport on thurs :) im glad to see you again girlie! love you. see you monday! hope youre having a blast with joyce here :)

had 'headache' on tues and went to hwing's hse to watch qiu tian de tong hua. yknw the korean show..cant rmb the english translation for the title of the show but anw we cried buckets. watched for like, 9hrs straight!! and i was being very fat and gross. eating like theres no tomorrow. :| but anw it ws loads of fun too, now that i think back to that day. hahaha. im COMPLETELY in love with taixi. -silly grin.
anw hwing! hope youre feeling alright :( yikes. we shldnt hv talked abt it if it made you increasingly upset. anw thanks for trying to perk me up on friday. haha was being such a sulk.

i'll never break your heart
i'll never make you cry
i'd rather die
believe me now
i'll give you all of me now
honey believe me

k im like, typing out the songs that are in steph's playlist. haha.

anw, this week has been pretty good :) amidst all sadness. myriad of emotions but at the end of it all, i think people around me were fab and made me laugh like a shithead.
sigh, results out tmrw. trying not to think of it. pls pls pls let it be fine. actually i dont knw wht im expecting. cos i cant decide whether to stay in cj. its quite an odd thought, considering how i despised it violently and the fact that its not academically strong or whtever. but ive had so much fun, the people there were really goodness gracious, whether to laugh with or to laugh at, OR to ogle at. hahah. well. shall ponder on that when the need arises :|

ele! midget gem, i swear i love you. hahaha was GREAT talking to you nonstop for 1.5hrs randomly till my stomach (and your throat) cldnt take it at that walkway of brendan's nice house. hahah. ROMANTIC huh. :) -big major hug. dont be so fierce and negative, silly girl! deadly glares are reserved only for certain people only. haha. im so glad we talked. xxoo!!

dada! i miss you too dsf :( reply my letter!!
// and the rapid river will bring the two paper boats together, despite their fragility, slowly but surely, washing away all that brought them apart :)

as you can see, im trying to be positive here.
will not dwell in stuff that upset me! -shakes head!
thanks, everyone who made me smile (you knw who you are)! for being there when i was going through sucky rough patches and cldnt crack a smile. im so so so glad. it meant a lot :)

my cheesiness is burgeoning.
shall cease it at once!
long entry :)
hope next week will be good.

//impossible ; christina aguilera.

happy BIRTHDAYS..

sister ser! 20th feb; happy 18th! youre now officially 2years older than i again. i love you though you cannot stop borrowing my stuff. haha! thanks for everything :)
sq momsie! 19th feb; happy belated 17th! long lost momsie again :| meeting up next sunday right? i love you!
fredadada dsf!! 21st feb; happy early 17th birthday, sweets! mwamwamwa. see ya tmrw :D you know i love you :)

tracy chevalier's falling angels. fab. -sniffs.

what im feeling now is not not not good..
will someone help me out of this pit
its so black here im afraid i cant see
im thinking thoughts i should not think
it scares me that so much has changed.
im caught in a paradoxical situation
im living in distortion
okay. im really exasperated.
this hasnt been a good day.
maybe when i wake up tomorrow
all negativity will be erased
and everything will be back in order.
the mess i once lived in but now realise is order enough.
this is a very stupid and personal entry.
im like, blabbering incoherently.
feeling very messed up inside, i need to sort things out.
i think i'll feel lame the next time i re-read this post,
but whatever
im tired.
night.

// i dont want all these changes.
tell me we'll be alright again.

today started off as okay, then got kinda lousy (tings, im feeling very awful still, sorry! :( ), then got easily annoyed and pissed, then got better :)

why are people different? maybe our difference makes us the same.

hmm. oh well.

We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you

tings, im SO sorry. check my gbk okay? yknw i love you!

But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what
destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

had retail therapy with ele :D had a fab time, were down then up together. wiffa, i love! :)
bought a ripcurl pencilcase (its for the males. but nvm..), fizzy fish (yay), paperchase stuff (very very cute stickers and stack of pretty colour paper), glamour+teenvogue (so VERY happy :D ++ paris hilton on cover! VERY gorgeous and classy pics of her. she shld take more pics like that instead of Very trashy ones..) and sq's present :)
but i guess such happiness can be pretty short lived..
anw saw hwing with Paper Sharp and mcron. were at the escalator at few levels down bt suddenly Wendy! sheesh his voice is like how distinct..

kayy im very worn out..
shall end with a very pretty song that i currently like a lot

Knew the signs wasnt right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool

So confused
My hearts bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldnt see
We were never met to be

Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok

But Im
So confused
My hearts bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn?t see
We were never met to be

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You'll be out of my mind
I'll be over you

And know Im
So confused
My hearts bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldnt see
We were never met to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
Theres a life out there for me

okay i suppose the lyrics are kinda strange but it has a nice tune to it!

Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
I'd go back to the jewler who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat, don't fuck with dad

grass so green, and morning light.

tings! im having a major dilemma trying to figure out wht to give you..plan A ws too ex. haha so i dont think you'd get your parcel on vday itself k? sorry babe. anw did you check your mail? its qt a long one. reply me and send me your dorm add + number k? MISSES! (edited due to prevention of public suspicion tht i have lesbian tendences haha! :|)

>> sleepover ws..aight. were very sleepy and conked out at 2am. haha made them (hwing + jolene) watch bring it on. my tenth time. haha feelin a tad excited ovr vday. giving pres and all. i love (in no order of preference, jst typed whoever came to my mind sorry if i forgot and left you out!) tings steph sq ree nana da ele mina dinah xin yins and everyone else :)

ponned school halfway w hwing. then met my sis to get 2 more vday pres (3 more to go) and bought 2 books w hwing at some mall ive never been to (im so swaku) yay now ive books aplenty to read. hahah. i feel like going nj yknw. heard nasty stuff abt sa. bt i cant make it, obv. oh well.

// ps, da im so excited for you ;D bt i knw wht you think abt it. haha give it a try, babe. it doesnt mean anything.

got 2 tests, homework and vday presents to be prepare for/ done.
aight. shall go do some work now.

look what you made me do,
look what i did for you

my eyes are giving me problems again..
so im gna hv to be a bespectacled bo shi (professor) tmrw :|
yay sleepover tmrw..hope it'd be fun.
k gtg count ang pow money. heh heh.
oh. mum said mst wait till the entire lunar new year is over. alrightt..
suddenly thought of marie's bday party. ws really kinda fun, nw tht i think of it. hahah. gossiping, food, bailey's, being pushed+carried into the pool again and again..fun! :) btw happy belated bday marie! doubt you'll ever read ths bt whtever.

TINGS! check your mail again! now now now. and reply! private stuff tht cannot be disclosed here. haha CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR ADD!! im asking for the umpteenth time already, have to write in blocks. you keep procrastinating! haha i miss you, i miss you. call me soon! -big sad eyes.

shut up, just shut up, shut up

yayy happy lunar new year everyone :)
its like 2am and im talking to hwing online
us, being nocturnal and freaking annoyed people.
anw went and got vday stuff w ele on tues! yay feeling qt accomplished. though i havent gotten for like, 3 people yet. and im still pondering if i shld give my clsmates. and im hating this occasion itself very much, for a very apparent reason. but nvm, im spending it w ree and i love her very very muchie so.

everyth feels so surreal and different ths year. for 16 years, i felt the same excitement over cny. but ths year the zest is gone. and same goes for vday. like, in st nicks whn you go to cls in the morning you alr will hv a little stack of pres on the table and thn thr'll be lotsa hugs and nice smelling stuff and glittery letters and heart balloons and flowers and all. oh well.

i shall stp reminiscing.
night.

TINGS! why no news frm you since sat! :( and you happily come my gbk and nvr sign! btw i rplied your mail v long ago alr! did you knw? so are you coming back? if nt gimme your add k! vday parcel! :D sigh. i miss you lots and lots! happy lunar new year -BIG HUG. ive got stuff to tell you!!

mcron what ahem yknw yknw? -blank look. HAHAH. anw, how did you get here? oh yea, dyou hv a blog or smth? anw happy new year :) youre chinese right?

I stare at your face
Into your eyes
Outside there's so much passing us by
All of the sounds
All of the sights
Over the earth and under the sky
Too much cold and too much rain
Too much heartache to explain

Who needs the world when I've got you
Switch off the sun the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I've got you

I walk on the street
Talk in the dark
I see peoples dreams just falling apart
I open my arms
Tried to be true
Seems like my only truth is you
Am I wrong
Or am I right
All I want is you tonight

i love my best friend..!
who needs the world when i got youuu.

// all american rejects time is standing still

OMG I JST TYPED A LONG ENTRY BT ACCIDENTALLY DELETED ARGH NVM.
shall do it in point form nw..

- its late and im shagged. jst finished typing dear viola's letter

- TINGS CALLED. omg highlight of the day. OF THE YEAR, I MEAN. sheesh. i almost cried. was stunned. was overjoyed. was waiting. I MISS YOU TOO TOO TOO!! HURRY CALL ME BACK ASAP!! I WILL RUN TO THE LOO TO TALK TO YOU!! and my mail??! sigh. jst to hear your voice. yikes! the tears are gonna sting me..haha I CLD NOT BELIEVE MY EARS.

- ponned chi+econs. chi ws a flop. has to write apology letter w some format tht we had to comply to. oh yea, the tcher tld us we had to plead for forgiveness in the letter.. :| sheesh. ws at grand stand happily DOING MATH and listening to hwing's mp3. and also watching the othrs play mangkali loves you. hahah.

- shoppingg! a bag + 2 tops :D

- ws living up to my status and joined hwing+friend for a while..ree ws constipated and shitting at home as usual. hahah stupid hwing and i were being v lame and mean. laughed all the way from the bus to far east to cine to long johns. and i ws still laughing abt our stupid jokes whn she msged me. i ws sniggering so hard while crossing the road i think i ws shaking rather violently and the car drivers might think i ws having fits. talk about being retarded. HAHAH. swimming pool water splash out, mahogany tables, lighting lamps, busy scratching the cards. hahahaha k inside joke. HWING! :D

- then we felt very remorseful and evil for the roots of our jokes were mean. tsk. then we made a pact to mend our ways and also .. be discreet. hahah.

- ree i hope youre alright now..families are all like tht la :) and im sure you'll find a nice skirt! -hugs.

hello there, angel from my nightmare

tdy had x country! qt fun. hahah prefer ths to track runs anyday. running round in tracks is plain sucky and boring la. cos thrs nth to do. anw went to meet aileen aft tht..we had nooch! feels so sec4. sigh. I WISH I WERE STILL SEC4. k i shall try to stp being morbid. bt yea, im drifting away away away from everyone. i hate valentines day. i miss st nicks!

tings theres so much i wna tell you! v happy tht you signed my gbk :) will you pls rply my mail soon :( dyou rmb all our promises last time? how we planned to bury our silly letters and stuff..i miss you! :( things are jst NOT the same without you.

you broke my heart today
i dont know what to say
cant feel a thing at all.
i guess things like this
only happens to dumb girls
im just a dumb dumb dumb girl

k dont ask me why i put tht up. the song is stuck in my mind.
will someone make me happy please.
think im pmsing v badly.
back to lit essay.. :|

i wake up in the morning
put on my face
the one thats gonna get me
through another day
doesnt really matter
how i feel inside
this life is like a game sometimes

WENDY
W	is for	Warm
E	is for	Enthusiastic
N	is for	Natural
D	is for	Dainty
Y	is for	Young

What Does Your Name Mean?

haha ths reminds me of my very quizzy days..
when all was happy and i ws in the mood and had the free time to do such crap and tell my best friend about it. E for emotional is right..

// and i wanna believe you
when you tell me that it'll be okay
yea i try to believe you
but i cant.

k i nda pee badly
so i shall make ths quick
i did part of my lit essay! really couldnt make myself resume writing la.
anw lessons today sucked. it was the worst. and to think tht we end the earliest tdy. tmrw will be hell ): esp now tht my impetus to stay awake during lectures has dissipated..haha oh well. -looks at ele. ps// it'll be okay :)

anw. erm amanda and jolene suddenly has similar haircuts to mine, i have no idea why. we look erm really strange. but well. and hwing you are such a slacker i cannot stand it. bad influence! GLARES. hahah.

DADADA ths is a major shoutout for you. i love you a whole lot! no words can be used to describe ths in an eloquent manner. but im sure yknw. and i knw. haha -winks. im SO glad i have you in cj. REALLY. a lot has changed..for better or for worse, i realise some things dont matter anymore. and im jst really glad you were always there for me. i wanna hold your hand!!

and tings! will you be my valentine pls -super sad pout. i sppose youre busy..and with the timezone differences and all. missing you perpetually. till all my hair turn frizzy. will still be missing you :( im sad! rply my mail k? got stuff to tell you..and rmb to leave your add!! rmb!!

steph NO YOU DIDNT!! hahah. ok sunday then..then the sa funfair thing how? pls, my vday will be even more depressing. will update you asap. im beyond depressed. i think im getting lunatic soon.. ): no you cannot do tht, you should be my valentine!!!!!!!! yknw cj ask us to donate blood on vday. and in case of Rejection for tht blood donation we shld kp ourselves fit or smth. ha ha. nt funny. oh i jst rmb i cnt donate! under 45kg cannot donate. whew. freaking needles will get me screaming. MISS YOU. a lot.

//he was a boy
she was a girl.
she was not good enough
for him.

my comp's seriously screwed. can connect but cant log in to msn / use internet explorer so..its really useless. at erm angel's house doing econs proj nw. an econs test exists tmrw bt i seriously hv no idea wht its about so good luck to me..really lethargic and worn out now. oh yea towned ystd ; watched seed of chucky..stupid lame show pls do not watch it..its like a comedy. this sequel doesnt live up to the previous ones la. just realised that hannah frm sclub7 is in it. shes so pretty! but she was burnt to death. and i got a skirt too, yayy. then talked and talked for hours in ths istana park place. hahah im so suaku i didnt knw it existed (though i walked past it aplenty.) and the .. lovely ambience it carries. hahah bt yea ws momentarily happy. for the day. when i woke up today everything ws like, a different story..im depressed over nothing. -looks at ele.
will someone understand please.

steph i miss you too. a lot :( vday / sq's bday?

//i dont want to see your face anymore..!

today was..a myraid of emotions.
k, whatever.
was upset over very retarded things but i couldnt help it :|
anw thanks da for all the stuff you said..lovee! and two thirds of the Whats (jo, mand) hahah. for being so lame+bitchy and making me laugh like hell on msn. i hpe tmrw will be okay :(
and eleyy, pls cheer up! update tmrw!

my printer is screwed..its gripping tightly to 3 pieces of paper stuck together i dnt knw what for. i jst left it alone to print while i went to pee..yikes. its really pathetic nw.

anw i found out that people White on the surface are really Black underneath. rolls eyes. stp PRETENDING to flutter your wings around la. pissing us off. this calls for desperate measures to be taken into consideration during bitching session tmrw. argh.

and i dont want the world to see me
cos i dont think that they'd understand
when everything's meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

i try nt to compare the responses i get from you..
but im glad im at least recieving some :) though i still feel upset, yknow i love you more than anything.

anw anw pe tdy ws grr..did some leg straining exercise tht almost killed me. looked so simple yet akdidjsg!! and i fell on my ass while doing tht back tracking or whtever shit thing! yikes. so nw i nda sit on cushioned seats or it'd hurt. alr hv like, 6 blue blacks (and counting) on my legs and nw on my ass la. sheesh. im so accident prone. :|

feeling v stoned recently. sometimes i feel like being talkative bt .. yeah. so i end up staring into space a lot. haha k im being incoherent. shall go do my math hmwk. sigh.

tings i miss you! i suddenly thought of your big hands. haha i want to hold! :(
k i sound les.
'off.

it only hit me today
you went away.

having a throbbing headache and caught the flu bug
so am very grouchy right now
+ feeling very alone despite everything
math test on tues and im lagging in econs.
- i only want to share one of those normal talks w tings that usually send us into peals of laughter and make me feel very contented after it all
- i only want to snuggle up to steph
- i only want to stitch with shuqi all over bishan, looking asbsolutely retarded but not giving an eff.
- i only want to back in nana's house w ree and nana laughing at nothing
- i only want to be out in town w the chanmalis

i only want so many things.
it suddenly hit me,
we're all going separate ways.
and im not in it.
i detest being ill.
i miss my hair.

went tanning and cut my hair today..
maybe ths explains why im feeling so weird now.
like im not living in my own body. haha i sound inane. like those lit big names tht went a bit haywire.
anw, my torso is beet red frm all tht sunburn..the bikini covered areas are like WHITE compared..seriously. the colours on the singapore flag are formed on my body. anw my hair is shoulder length..SHORT! i miss my long tresses. yes, they were growing out of shape and bushy..but i ws very attached to it lahh. havent had such short hair since sec3. i think im jst pmsing. getting very pissed and upset easily recently.
oh well.
mm, had a mellow and serene day w steph..we were being very serangoon-y..haha. took some photos, i miss her a lot :( i miss shuqi too..without their corniness everyth feels incomplete. sigh.
ahh. im feeling very strange right now!! yikes. i need some good retail therapy. i dont think evn shopping will help. i knw, i jst wnt to talk to tings.

here i go, scream my lungs out
to try to get to you
you are my only one.

ahh. im so slow. today i jst found out smth abt BND. smth really duh.

but anw. tdy ws SUCKY. lessons ended at 530!!!!! i cant believe i jst went through tht..and we had the worst pe evr today. though it ws qt fun. bt i shall choose to pretend i hated it. had to like, bend in an awkward postion w legs wide open across the sides to HOP from the beginning of ths GROSSGROSSGROSS canal or longkang or whtever to the end! and it got increasingly smaller. and im claustrophobic!! wnted to die. and thr was like, god knows wht in thr. millipedes and SPIDERS. omg..!! we emerged w lots of Very hardened cobwebs in our hair. thts how bad it was. and the tunnel/canal/longkang thingy ws so freaking dark!! if nt for amanda's hand i woulda gotten lost..were screaming like nuts in tht compact area..when we saw tht ray of light and lush greenery frm afar we were like WE'RE REACHING WE'RE REACHING!! sheesh. and thr ws more military pe ltr on..too lazy to elaborate. haha. it sounds so OMG bt it ws actually kinda fun. hahah. i know. madness.

anw. i guess today i saw some..stuff in my clsmates tht i havent seen since day2 when orientation with them began. so :) still trying, but really glad to say things are getting better.

steph i dont care YOU BETTER SHOW ME THE LETTER!! nth will be too depressing dear. i went through my downestestest nt long ago..so nth can be too negative for me. haha. and jst ystd i ws really hurt and all :( omg. are you sure..you cant eat 2.5kg of crackers! crackers are like, light as feather! aiyah you and your exaggerations..ive been eating a lot of chocolate too. and all my money is spent on like, eating. serious. and printing ridiculous chinese AO notes la. they dnt care whether we pass hchi for prelims, they still want us to take till our o levels results are out! wht rubbish right! so annoyed!! oh yeah you got my letter right? the old one tht i sent last year..sigh. the times when we were still unknowingly happy and contented in our comfy zone. before we were prey to the uncertainties of another new world. damn, yknw oliver james kps making me cry..!!? like so weird, one minute listening to the song and singing along then suddnly start crying. madness. I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT ST NICKS. i dont evn mind st johns la pls. much less your band. haha anw youre in kayaking nw?!?! i kayaked last time for st johns and it ws SO tiring. omg. i dno abt vj bt cj canoeing is lyk damn damn damn tough..!! like a thousand times worse thn my pe tdy. (read above!! seriously sucks. my legs were gna give way. half an hour in tht freaking stinky canal w spiders hanging over our heads or centipedes crawling abt we wont knw anw cos it ws pitch black..and my legs were like, in half split position throughout hopping and hopping, trying to get out. othr clses were playing captain's ball happily on the nice green flat field.) anw why you nvr join dance? always thought you could dance well. bt haha fit is good!! :D bt you really hv to let it go and try to adapt..its only less thn 2 mths left..you still hv shuqi and kermin and everyth..you still hv me!! i used to dwell A LOT, thinking hw inferior ths ws to st nicks and hw my state ws beyond pathetic and i'd go to school really really upset and crying everyday ALONE..yeah so sad right. i'd miss tings a lot. really a lot la. nvr felt ths way before. bt everyone tld me only i determine the situation im in..and after i tried talking to them and opening up, things started getting better. really! i used to think everyone ws weird and tht theyre all so different frm the friends i had but after a while i realised maybe they thought i ws weird cos i ws the only one w tht long face and mouth kpt shut every day. jst try to make the best out of the situations and accept the way things hv turned out to be..and nw practically everyone is ok! theyre really nice. of course there are v argh times bt i guess its part and parcel..dnt nd to hv really close friends la..jst get along and all. ok bt i guess i really dnt hv the right to tell you to try to adapt and whtever like i tried to cos your situation might be different frm mine..dnt be too upset k..lots of ppl love you silly girl. yeah havnt heard frm you for a week+!!!!!!! thought youre qt happy alr. sigh. really hope you'd be alright..cos i ws reallyreallyreally upset too. no matter what yknw im only a call/msg away..i'll always be thr for you, to catch you when you fall! ths is lyk so michelle branch. bt anw catch up soon!!!!! i miss you too!!! a lot!!!! bt you always stp msging aft a while :( ooh its ryan cabrera nw. sigh. reminisce the days whn we'd go your house during the hols and laze around. mm. anw ok ths weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! promise :)

1. i do nt portray you as someone insenstive, heartless.
2. i do nt portray you as someone brand conscious or whatever.
3. i spend every single day missing you

and youre damn pissed with me behind my back and everything.
i reread my words and i knw now it sounds bad. bt i swear, those werent the intentions. i was jst merely saying.
i thought i only had you.
but i was wrong.
i just found out i have nothing. nothing at all.

this is a thousand times worse thn a thousand orientation days at cj.
this is indescribable.
what are best friends for?
yknw you can tell me anyth to my face. (ok maybe nw we cant do it face to face bt still. you can tell me.) and on my birthday?
you dont knw how you hurt me to find things out ths way.

youre a flower in my hair.

How I wish,
How I wish you were here,
We're a world of lost souls,
swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground,
what have we found?
the same old fears,
I wish you were here.
-googoo dolls.

realised i hvnt been blogging about wht ive been doing recently..erm recall..
backtrack to tues ; dear sis came cj to pick me up..haha due to the trauma the prev day. so sweet huh :) thn err had taka food w her+eugene. weds ; dance, horrid. thurs ; met up w dinah+mina! wyn crashed mi so she came along w dinah for a while. had unbelievably HOT sizzling hot ramen at cine then watched fockers. so lame, the show. martha focker. hahah. fri ; dance again, supp to meet aileen aft tht bt didnt..sorry! sat ; towned w dinah+da..mina cldnt make it :( were v stony and moody. da tried to lighten the mood bt hah. we were incorrigible. walked around and blah. bought yet anothr mango tee and an electric blue spag..its too friggin bright. gonna exchange it for smth else tmrw. then went kino..blahblah.

and tdy, yawn. jst did math hmwk. got an lit essay to pen :|
sigh. school rocks ah.

or am i standing still
beneath the darkened sky
or am i standing still
with the scenery flying by
or am i standing still
out of the corner of my eye
was that you
passing me by

:) ive nvr felt so tired yet contented (quite)..jc life is busybusybusy! ok i still town but the thing is, every minute is really spent doing something. err. yea, stoning, singing, talking and checking out * included, but yea. seriously occupied also la. mm, maybe after 2 years of being in cj, i wont hv flabby thighs anm. all tht pe! :|

aights. i kinda like my clsmates! :) and i love da, mina, dinah, yins, ree, nana! :D thanks for being thr for me whn i ws unbearably pessimistic. ive nvr felt closer to you guys. and of cos, my terribly sympathetic best friend tings, youre being perpetually missed.. :( :( :( :(

yay! my days are getting better :)

thanks to all! hehe. nana told me 'see! chey. you ah, v irritating!'
i'll box her very soon.

'you are bored, i am card, together we are cardboard' -eugene
:|

kinda like my clsmates now :) bt im damn worried tht things will screw up again..cos i think my words and thoughts are jinxed..lyk whn i think things are good, the next day things get really fucked all over again. ok touch wood..

ok pe ws lyk..pui. were supp to run for 20mins non stop!! nuts. ran 10 rounds. which is lyk 3.3km, if im nt wrong. i cant believe it! ive nvr ran so much bfore in my entire life. and the GST and push ups are really getting to me. our tcher has a habit of singing to himself whn he gets us to hold on in tht push up position. faints. aching all ovr nw. oh yea and aft pe everyone sitting around my area suddenly will smell lyk oceanus. take my body spray la..haha. and thr ws dance jst nw..damn screwed!! hahah. rubbishy..bt mich chow ws lyk freaking good. n ooh think da got in the syf! yay! congrats girl. and the nudgenudge thing tht you found out is lyk, so sweet!! aww..hahah.

and i ws half blind the whole day..one side of my contacts were irritating me so i threw it on the floor.


cj is obsessed w pe. i hv pe consecutively for 3 days..thrs still tmrw to anticipate. ha ha..
:|

steph sigh. long story. tell you anothr day whn we FINALLY meet..been so long! too long! ..cross stitch is so ystd. and besides, im in a v poor condition. yknw whn i sneeze of laugh my rib cage area hurts lyk hell. freaking pe. situps and everyth. ive nvr bn more sporty i tell you. IVE always been the weak tofu!! so hw's sch nw? better right? i love you too! miss you a lot a lot a lot a lot. a lot. ):

jolene heyy. haha no la. the cls seems to be better everyday :) thanks for everyth ah. shit, dance ws horrid. need to hole up in a corner and nvr come out..haha. psst. tell you abt * tmrw. shhh. hahah.

sq momsie!! i miss you alot -sniffs. hahahha. MATH TOYS. i see. haha my cls is ok la..bad day tht day. tell you anothr day! yea we GOTTA meet! k? looove. (:

im talking to tings online now. we're having a v nice conversation on *. excpt she kps insisting tun is better. ok inside joke. off! :)

for tings

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you

And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning

that may be all i need.

ok i hv abso fucking lutely no comments about my day.
maybe jst more negative feedbacks.
guess im back to the cry-everyday cycle.
i swear, i never thought things could be ths bad. talked to people. thanks for cheering me up when i needed you guys..you all rock.
and GET THIS. if you dont understand me and that im going through a horribly rough patch, jst back off. i dont need your comments about how i seem to attend a triple science cls in sec school filled w nerds cos im so quiet and dont share the same level of humour (your i------- jokes). everybody is different. and i dont understand you. but you dont see me asking you why youre such a..whatever, do you? i really dont need this. we're of different wavelength, frequency, whatever. ok i believe ive said enough. shall stop right here bfore i get more pissed and get more critical.
whatever.
good day.

outrageous, so contagious.

heh. ok i change my mind..cj is really quite okay. cos my clsmates are really nice and all. i shall try to fit in and stop whining..let's jst say tht previous concerns shall not be as paramount. aiya. im jst being caught in a paradox.
anyway. ystd went out w da and friends..ws qt fun. in a mellow way. i suck at all arcade games la. so embarassing, losing like every game. anw. caught up w freda kwokie dsf..she and her eye candy :| youre seriously unstraight, girl. mpfh, sleepy and tired.
BUT! still gonna meet xin and the rest ltr :)

happy 17 bday dinah. i love you!

i miss everyone. ltr ltr.
ooh, saw pic of st nicks cheer squad in the mpr in the newsppr. haha i even miss the mpr! lame..but yea. rmb hw sports day used to be. screaming and jumping and all. i'd be cheering for st nicks damn willingly now. so weird to say cj rocks when i dont completely sing the same tune..
tsk, cant believe seed of chucky is m18. when i turned 16, i thought pg freak was over. hello nc16. but apparently..times have progressed :|

jolene heyy. obliged to write positive stuff abt our cls nw tht youre signing my gbk. haha kidding. anwayyy. thanks dear :) you made me smile lahh. haha.

damn worn out but still came online!
ok my rantings sounded so pathetic. but yea im glad to say this entry carries a lighter note..came to realise tht my cls is actually ok la..jst cldnt adapt at the beginning. but still. damn sad tht thr are no girly girls in my cls. oh well. at least everyone is nice. including the facilitator (who's also hunky btw haha) and people are damn lame. and through ths ive become less anti-nerds and racist. BUT STILL. no girly girls. its really damn saddening. nobdy to shop with :( or talk to. bt nvm. i shall resume my own girliness. thrs ths cute j2 guy :) hehe. nothing is gonna stop me..! frm being girly, tht is. sigh. how life changes within a few months. i cant believe it, i really cant. i miss tings a lot. hell damn lot. no one knows how much. i can like, cry anytime when i think about it. which is damn stupid and sad la. bt i cant help it. sigh.
anw. im now known as tweety..cos of ths performance. i hope i wsnt too sucky cos the mask ws huuuge. i cldnt see properly. skipping about randomly. reminds me of brownian motion. hahaha. ok i miss secondary school life. i miss st nicks. fucken much.

life..has never been worse.
i find myself crying every single fucking day ever since day 1 of the orientation. i miss huang weiting and all my friends and st nicks and my whole class (yes including jam..im sorry ive been mean..i love you now) like damn fucking much. and i have NO appetite at all ever since day 1. believe it or not, today i only ate 1/3 of a plate of fried noodles, 2 cans of green tea and breakfast at home. and now i dont even feel like eating dinner. stomach just stopped feeling hunger at all. i think im gonna shrivel up and die soon. i havent laughed, as in REALLY SO FUNNY kinda laughter since god knows when. i havent had a girly talk since monkey years ago. i havent discussed about books, makeup, clothes, cute guys, tv shows, since forever. i havent gossiped about anyone or anyTHING. i didnt even complain about my nails breaking. not a squeak. i didnt even think about being flat chested till like, now, when im thinking what i havent been doing. i havent had a nice talk. i havent been to town though my school is fucking near. ive been going home alone every single fucking day. i havent felt AT ALL any teeny weeny bit of ease in the school unlike st nicks. i havent hugged anyone for decades. i got into trouble on the 2nd day of school cos i was TALKING. as in huge trouble. cos i was talking. WOW, IM SORRY FOR TALKING..i hate the way things are now. i can see that the facilitators are trying to spice things up but i dont see what the fuck is so fun about cj. i really dont. im not, i reitarate, im not having a good time. at all. all ive achieved are blisters on my feet and cuts on my fingers from kayaking. i spend every day getting worn out and being busy doing NOTHING THAT I LIKE AT ALL. i mean, people are nice and all but..its just not the same. every day i sit with my class keeping quiet and laughing when appropriate. and as i can see, everyone else is having fun. well, good for you. i feel like dying. no kidding. so yea, have a great time man.

first day

was boring boring boring..admin stuff. mass dance ws horrid. think my partner (hes a guy) danced better than me..i shall go hole up in a corner. ws too sleepy w a headache to evn open my eyes..sigh. shoulda tried to sleep early and wake up early in the hols lyk a nutcase..prob is i cant sleep early anm..sigh. shall force my eyes shut..btw btw IM TALKING TO TINGS!! online :) teehee. made my day. or my night. whtever. -grins! sigh i miss her. lyk damn fucken a lot. feeling lyk a little junior loser in the new school. though its nt intimidating or anyth. i want st nicks!! i want my life back to normal. ths is very sucky. oh well. hope tmrw will b better..see ya'll..at the bus stop :( mm, shall try to stop being morbid and depressing..i cant live without tings to gossip with..life is meaningless.. :(

HAPPY 2005!! (:

blogged that title last night..i mean, this morning when i reached home..too tired to blog more so i went to sleep..haha continuation now! 2pm. anw, was really fun, counting down with da, mina, dinah, jade then yimin joined us ltr..(she actually cabbed frm the airport aft landing from some other country!) haha. sprayed like nuts la. screaming and laughing. was still damn psyched till i fell asleep.

anyway. thurs was spent with ree!! i love that girl to bits and pieces! haha tht reminds me of the shop bits and pieces. we bought earrings!! cheaper than that stupid heeren pok shop which conned innocuous me. hmrpf. cunning and sly. and we also went nuts in borders..books galore!! bought 2 gossip girls and pride and prejudice..and i jst realised i bought book 1 and 4 of gossip girls! and nw tht im done w book 1 i cant go on and read book 4 cos tht'll be like, jumping. grr. feeling cheated nw. shall go get books 2 and 3. and the worst thing is tht its nt even fantastic..prefer shopaholic and all. the contents seem childish, as in, like, quite lame..but i still wanna read! bad bad..anw we were so poor we could only gaze longingly at the books we wanted..haha 50bucks for a book, im not up to it, sadly. rather spend it eating or at the mango sale. haha cos the thing about books is tht you cant tell if its genuinely good. as in, looks can be deceiving! waste of money la. nvr judge a book by its cover. and nowadays all those paperbacks are so pretty..haha. k, im on a roll.

thrs stacie oricco on the radio ; i promise. reminds me of steph. and then i remember : school's starting in 2 days!! ugh. grr. stomach's knotted with dread..eh. why stomach? and not, like brains knotted with dread? think my brains have been knotted enough. all that cramming for the o's. or maybe theyve already unknotted themselves after 1.5months of a stress-free lifestyle..haha im so crappy. suddenly recall how i stuffed myself ystd. ws eating 24/7. ate breakfast at around 12, ate lunch at delifrance w sis at 2+, then when i wenta meet mina syl and da, ate gelato ice cream (this reminds me! i bought tht on thurs w ree and freaking dropped it on the taka grid tiles after a few steps from the shop. traumatised.) then macs fries (was sneakily stuffing a fry by a fry into my mouth while the others pooled..) ..then a bite of mina's taiwanese sausage..then BIGG meal at subway!! yea, had lotsa tomatoes and turkey ham and breast and lettuces and bread ystd..thn aft tht i swore off food cos my stomach ws completely bloated. butt!! broke a bit of the subway cookie and made a wrong choice of putting it in my mouth..been eating tht ever since. irresistable la. couldnt stop..btw subway has really huuge and yummylicious cookies. cheapp also. ooh. as you can conclude, im such a pig. gonna balloon up like someone we saw in town soon.

gonna change my layout soon!! i like this one, but i dont like it enough to not change it. haha. whatever wendy.

mm, was reading the paper jst nw, and i started crying! i didnt even know i was snifling away till i reached for a tissue. sigh. devastasting and depressing la, all the stuff that fill the newspapers now. the newspapers has become like, a stack of papers with informative orbituaries in coloured photos. disasters..tidal waves..fires..blah blah. feeling kinda safe here in little singapore. haha. but then again, you never know what can happen.

tsktsk.
off!
thts all ive got to say,
cant think of a better way.
thts all i have to say,
i love you, is tht ok?

la di da.
i hope this year would be good. really really hope!

'ripped of wai's

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
- try to grow up? haha, i think every year i try to be less immature and not kick up a big fuss over trivial matters. working, definitely. KIDS. -shakes head.. o's. nightmare. graduation, found it ws all a big fuss over nothing. a! my bangs. haha. and also, send my best friend away. i dont really want to do that ever again. mm, on a lighter note, ooh craziest shopping ths year ;)

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- i cant really recall last yr's resolutions, as always..haha bt it shld be something like mug hard blah. didnt really happen, but ths year, there were goods and bads..

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- LAUGHS OUT LOUD..we live in the 21st century, not in China.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
- hell, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
- none!! growls.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
- holding on to friends, better grades, the usual.

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- i dont remember dates, but blur of events.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- wht hv i achieved? wouldnt be right to say nothing..bt i guess theyre all small achievements.

9. What was your biggest failure?
- being less self centred..its always been me me me..and MAYBE i shld b more family oriented..IF i pick up some anger management skills..

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- oh, my eyes. been giving me lotsa trouble. actually its the bloody contacts. CPCs la (is tht wht its called?) oh and tht mysterious grave headache+puking experience during physics prelims. horrid.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
- hee. lots.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- haha ths qn sounds as tho im supp to say someone helped an old lady cross the road or someone stopped sleeping around. but err.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- dont think i should name anyone. but there were people who did jst tht. and maybe i mde people appalled and depressed too. haha

14. Where did most of your money go?
- sigh. dumb qn..shopping la.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- got really psyched over a couple of things. bt dnt think it lasted.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
- electriko's (sp?) running away or smth. for some particularly annonymous reason.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
- happier, and sadder. haha okok happier lahh.

b) thinner or fatter?
- huh. i didnt grow taller la, happy? so around the same weight.

c) richer or poorer?
- ..sigh. hate money matters..maybe both. shopping ws pretty extreme as compared to prev years bt hey, i worked!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- spending time with the best friend, concentrating more when mugging!! (tsk. cjc..)

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- lets jst say i wish i'd spend less time on some people and more on others had i known the consequences..certain things would have brought me.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
- you mean next year? hopefully kissing happily underneath the mistletoe. haha ok rolls eyes. with people i love! friends, family..

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
- yes.

22. How many one-night stands?
- zilch..

23. What was your favorite TV program?
- duh. the oc.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- hatred is bad! dislike maybe, bt not intense or anything.

25. What was the best book you read?
- ooh lotsa tear ducts inducing books bt i cant remember the titles. oh and dan brown's good. my fave : angels and demons.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- er. tht i still like britney spears HAHA.

27. What did you want and get?
- quite a lot. haha materialistically speaking.

28. What did you want and not get?
- lots of stuff.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
- TROY. fab show. spidey2 too! all-time favourite : Bring it on. hahaha..

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- jst turned 16 on the 12th. spent with friends and families..didnt have a good one this year.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
- ooh. haha not as terrible as any year back i think. i'd say, colours!

33. What kept you sane?
- the best friend. so the word KEPT, past tense, is apt here. other daily neccesities. duh..

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- more than a couple of, but most, i'd say mary kate olsen.

36. Who did you miss?
- lots of people.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
- well, i dont know about new. best person ive met would be the best friend, obviously. who is being missed A LOT. reply my mail!! -growls.

mm just cleaned up the bedroom. thrs still the study room. bt too lazy to move..haha. sis and i had cheap deal at mos. sis and i cleaned up the bedrm togth jst nw. sis and i cant stand otelli edwards cos she sucks at dj-ing and florence lian shld jst fire her. sis and i look like twins to people who've jst met us. sis and i (and lots of other people) agree that steph looks like another sister of ours. sis and i are almost of the same height and weight. (shes taller and thus heavier but i'd like to believe im taller..) sis and i jst quarreled ystd. sis and i love each other now :) hahaha.

met up w pri sch clsmates ystd. haha. yes, unbelievable. but everyone looks the same to me! d'oh! reminiscing (sp?) the old old days..had a traumatising chinese teacher for 2 years (chan ah moy) she is every child's nightmare..all the poems she made us memorise..and her monterous Saliva Spits and mthd of throwing books on the flr whn we didnt do our ting xie corrections, washing the loo whn marilyn spilled the mo (ink) AND! whn she hollered at me and mde me sit at the tcher's table to complete my zhi shi bao for the first time i got so drowsy and fell aslp in her lesson (yea i only fell aslp in cls once in pri sch) are all etched in my mind..haha damn funny. watched kung fu hustle ; super lame, dont waste your money. ate at nydc ; mud pie ws damn good, pizza sucked. took neos ; wow! my face so bigg at the back!! (hpe you caught my sacarsm..)

aights. im off to bathe. feeling dirty. haha

chen heyy. yea me too :) take care, see ya around..love YOU!

mm. i will not be upset.
but actually im not really upset anyway.
im perfectly fine with this..
ths hols has been pretty extreme. really good but really sucky too.
but i will nt be upset, i will not..

jewel ; winter wonderland :)

hee! im in quite a good mood. must be the christmas spirit. ive never been more family-ish. haha gna pick out new fridge w mum ltr..she cnt stp complaining tht she cnt buy ths 'cool' (i hv to see it for myself..) new fridge cos the fridge space is inadequate due to my dad's careless measurements when we moved house..and she kps telling me shes v keen in ths dvd machine w dnt knw wht new recording features..uhh. guess housewives nearing the big 50 are into household appliances..

bt im not! bought school shoes :D its roxy and pinkish and pale brown-greyish. ws nt wht i wanted to buy initially bt the 'punk shoes' (according to my sis) were err so huge i look like im stomping around w my feet wrapped up in blocks. andandand thrs the mango sale. hehe. got a colourful halter (my fave item), norm black shirt, a red fuzzy pullover and an off shoulder grey top..cheapcheap! shall nt blog abt my senseless prattlings..bt the point is, ah, shopping. :)

oh yea and (i cant remember when) i did volunteer work for charity! haha. as in, i wrapped presents (1buck for each gift) for free (no cip hours....) and ws qt fun la bt i think i scared some people with my wrapping skills. GOOD WRAPPING SKILLS. haha believe what you choose to..anw it ws pure madness. in the end only my sis and i handling the ps shopping crowd with the christmas rush..the things people buy -shakes head- ranges frm ths freaking rich guy w apple ipod, pda, huge lego set etc etc to ths m i s e r..fake ipod made of paper ._.

haha.
anw merry christmas, all!

stephy feefeee! haha coined a new nick for you. yes i agree tht you shld get a new blog..bt knowing you..you'll prolly close it dwn a few months after. anw, am i seeing you+sq tmrw? im FINALLY dne w your pres..been procrastinating it. haha my cuticles and knees are nw pricked with stitch holes! ._. lovee.

keep trying to understand

i dont feel alright.
yknow when people ask you ; so how you been?
its only apt to go ; im fine! with a bigg plastic smile at that.
ok ths entry is pointless so dont bother reading.
im just suddenly hit by paradoxysm of .. sadness. whatever.
im alone ; all alone.
nobody knows and nobody cares to know.
ooh. im fine :)

came across ths online..
one thing that many people don't realize is that the word boob does not apply to all of us. The word boob calls to mind an over-full water balloon stretched to the breaking point, a Bazooka bubble blown past opaque to iridescent. And so, while I stand before you as a member of the boob tribe, I need to make it clear that I do not possess any boobs.
hahaha.

did lotsa quizes!
love taking quizes. haha so lame but qt interesting la..

and guess what..i found out my scent and tranquility is HERB ( the reckonings and analysis were really true but i hate the smell of herbs..its nt evn a scent.. ), that my career personality is um artistic, blahblah, and also that i hv an IQ of 139 which is classified as highly intelligent and that my strength is structural creativity, whtever tht means but wth. if i were highly intelligent i wouldnt be denied sa and end up in cj :( and and get ths : my humour is DARK. as in, goth creepy dark. one word : HUH. im nt a fan of marilyn manson thank you very much..

tings mm you lucky pig..having a good time spa-ing and all i see..anw i did a quiz! its about best friends relationships. ok so lame but im gonna post the results for you to see anw..haha btw did you check your mail? i mailed you eh. but you sign my gbk and dnt rply my mail. mm anw haha hey i DID improve ok..hahaha. -whacks your ass! and im nt a lazy bum..look who's talking..haha yea i knw..yins got into nj too..hey you got same l1r5 as sq right? can get into vj yknow. sigh. im just upset la. i dnt wna go jc at all if yknw wht i mean. call me eh. i nda talk :( eh your secretary just called i think. thought it ws you! chey..haha gv her jacob's no. hw come YOU dnt call me! mm anw, oh well. thts ok i guess..bt at least come back for a week hol or smth in ths 6 month break you hv?? :D heh. anw hv you heard yellowcard's new song : only one? i seriously doubt you hv, being in taiwan and all. err. haha anw i really like it youre my only one! :) SINCE WHEN dyou comb your hair lo. you only like, run your hands through your hair and say youre all set. haha. misses!

results : Have you and your best gf been friends forever? Is your friendship one built on loyalty and a history of helping one another out? Marissa and Summer from "The O.C." would understand.
Despite Marissa's multiple family problems, romance problems and just plain old problems, there has been one girl always by her side--Summer. Sure, she may be extremely concerned with her own appearance and popularity status, but her devotion to Marissa never waivers. These two are in it for the long haul. Let's just say they are so in sync that they even eat their breakfast together. They might not be completely glued together all the time or know of each others' exhilerating/traumatising experiences first-hand, but always know, in-depth, what is going on, and are always there for each other.

Just like Marissa and Summer, it sounds like you and your best gf know what it means to take care of a friend through the hard times and how to party down to celebrate the good. Life may be tough, but it helps when you have a friend who is as reliable as the rising sun. These kind of friends would leave a sweetie behind just to make sure the other is safe walking home. Friends like these guard the bathroom door when the lock is broken, share their new clothes and never spill the beans about the others' secret crush. Given this solid foundation, it's easy to imagine building a sturdy and long-lasting future together.

so, whaddya think? :)
ooh and ths one is my love colour..im terribly bored lahh!

John Alan Lee would identify you as the classic red-blooded lover: passionate, abandoned and a great admirer of physical beauty. Ah, the romantic, the prime target of Cupid's arrow.
When hit, red types have a tendency to fall hard. Think lovesick--fluttering heart, sweating palms, an upset stomach. What do you say, are you a sucker for a stranger's pretty face? And if you meet the right stranger, do you wind up spending every waking minute with your beloved? You may become smitten, but don't worry, it's unlikely you're ever in such a haze that you'll stay in a bad relationship for the sake of love.

theyre saying tht im superficial :(
k..too quizzy alr..
'off!

you make me wanna..lala

been having a quiet peaceful life.
haha not that its been happening or anything.
but for the first time
ive spent 2.5days at home! and i think ll be rotting home till tuesday..STITCHING like an old granny..and reading like a geek..cant wait for weds+thurs..! seeing people i havent seen in a long time. quite long la. and im like, having a pri school cls gathering 3 days aft xmas too..wow. tis the season for gatherings.

tings you stupid girl..i miss you like, fucken much..im damn miserable :( didnt change my numbers at all!! did you key in the wrong country code or something? yea i knw..most people start school in the states in july but you wont be 17 yet eh. HEY WHY DONT YOU COME BACK HERE AND ROT WITH ME..cos like, first 3 months will be damn crappy for me, i hate it..and everyone will be moving on :( then you go back shanghai after march hols la..cos thts when i start school again in the other (or maybe same) jc..anw. haha maybe you can investigate the cause of the rotten smell..and help your cousin get rid of it..err i SORTA curbed by shopping habits bt going back to it again..haha bought..stuff..and shopping with ree a few days frm nw..and i nda get a new bag and shoes for school..I WANT TO SHOP WITH YOU :( excuse me are you coming back..btwbtw i got good progress award!! haha last time i got it ws like, sec2..grr. im really bored. why cant you call through??

cant believe its already 1+
got carried away chatting w mina. yea haha so funny..we just went on and on..were on quite a roll. bad bad day..thought a lot..on thinking mode. i conclude that people are scary, period. you really never know what they think about you. that very sweet smile could be a fake. they could tell you that they love you but the next minute its all 'shes so irritating, get rid of her, lets go out without her' they could tell you youre so skinny and then next thing secretly laugh at the fact that your tummy ws protruding as you were slumped on the chair and also, that youre flat. when people look at me, i feel like screaming, dont judge me, i cant help it if im not pretty. im born with so many imperfections..stop pointing that out to your friends. im wearing whatever i feel like that day. stop saying that i dont look nice in it. its mean. and yea, im talking about myself too. cos i cant stop bitching. and i feel so bad. but thats the way it is. and i dont understand why myself. okay i sound like a mad bitch ranting. actually, nothing happened. just wild random thoughts. haha. madness la. i miss tings.
and i hate cj. as in, i didnt even know it myself till the results came out. i really dont want to be wearing factory worker uniform. ok first three months no needa wear. but still. its traumatising. ( all the nightmare stories ive been hearing ) ok maybe if i put more than 2 choices, i wouldnt end up there. but the thing is, i hate all jcs cos i dont wanna go jc at all. not as in i wanna go poly or anything. i just wanna stay in st nicks. not that i love the school that i want to retain but i prefer secondary school life. ahh whatever.
schools starting in a few weeks.
and i cant help
but feel SO incomplete without tings.
what the hell.
im all alone in a place i hate.
ok i think i dont hate cj in particular ( I THINK ) bt i just hate going to a new environment and seeing new faces and changing and adapting. its redundant. and ok, i also dont wanna be in cj, for certain obvious reasons..
AND i just went shopping..they werent impulsive acts though. haha i really really like my body mist and volcom clutch. and i really really considered and weighed the pros and cons. ok my ass. i bought them cos i like them. but still. there were MANY other stuff at raffles city..i really love that place. actually, ive always loved raffles city. haha. and city link. mm. the point is there were many other wow stuff but i didnt purchase them ok. so. did exercise some self control after all.
SIGH. felt a lot better after shopping..as always..
BUT now..im upset all over again.
shit.
im broke la.
BROKE. but nxt week's arriving..haha. so nvm.
mm loving oceanus. totally.
and im also loving that volcom wallet..and also that ozoc wallet..the butterfly on it ws so pretty..and that necklace thing..crap. steph dont roll your eyes.

listening to ryan cabrera and oliver james :)
BLISSFUL CHEESY SMILE..

Everybody wants to be loved
every once in a while
we all need someone to hold on to
just like a helpless child
yeah
can you whisper in my ear
let me know it's alright
it's been a long time coming
down this road
and now i know
what i've been waiting for
and like a lonely highway
i'm trying to get home
love's been a long time coming
you can look for a lifetime
you can love for a day
you can think you got everything but
everything is nothing when you throw it away
yeah
then you look in my eyes
and i have it all
once again
it's been a long time coming
down this road
and now i know
what i've been waiting for
just like a lonley highway
i'm trying to get home
love's been a long time coming
didn't know i was lost
til you found me

haha. so cheesy. but still :D

i think im nocturnal.
just came home and bathed and stuff..watched the incredibles!! omg its hell good, everyone should watch it. like troy. i mean, its nt like troy, but its a must-watch!!! totally. and i usually hatehatehate cartoony flicks..theyre so lame..finding nemo made me sleep..but ths is really good!! haha. amazing la. mm ate at fish&co, seafood platter for 2 sucks..got so sick of eating (though ws still hungry) wanted to puke!! too much!! ooh but the platter for 1 is really good..used to eat with tings all the time.. anywaywayway..ste&sq!! loved the pres! it ws thoughtful. haha. like last year's. BIG KISS <3 :D :D though the mini cake is probably rotting right nw..heh. and also i decided tht if i ever find some cell phone or digi cam (these are the usual items nwadays) hanging around, forgotten by their owners (who're always bound to come back and hunt feverishly for it), im never gonna keep it for myself!! 'finders keepers losers weepers' just should nt exist..its too cruel to be true. esp when its a newly bought 700+ digicam..sigh. -pats my dear friend on her back- and i'd say tht the people in ps gelare are so freaking rude. esp tht..bung who works thr..mean ass. totally. hate tht place now! grr.
anyway..bought ribbons! haha lameness..and another thread colour..yea spotlight is my new favourite hangout place..and i proclaim myself as broke as anyone can be :( OVERSPENT. totally..currently mending the major hole in my account..luckily i bought all xmas presents..haha. the excitement got to me..anyway..oh yea. nda get smth else for my sis..ahh. and school essentials 1.shoes 2.tote and i'd love a MAC voucher pls..sigh. and again, luckily i got my organiser¬ebooksss&pencilcase alr..haha wht can i say..ive grown up to shop like a kiasu aunty..mm WHT IS GOING ON with tht drop it like its hot song..sheesh. stupidest song ive ever heard. no substance at all..and its nt like, dancey or anyth. and i keep hearing it everytime i start listening to perfect10..stop!! grr.
ok nuff rambling..off i go to resume attending to other activities :)
oh! btw, i love ths song..its nt my favourite song or anyth bt its so sweet la. and its nt like, a sappy ballad or anyth. all bfs shld sing it to their gfs!! or maybe nt if they hv a hideous voice. bt whatever.

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

yayy!! i just heard it on the p10!! yipeeee. hehehe. ok im easily high at night..thinking of buying yellowcard/maroon5's albums..mm ok BROKE.
NIGHTY! :)

shitsers, dno hw to mke the scrollbar track transparent..looks so queer nw. shld i add tht kristin kruek pic or nt? wnted to pt olsen twins! bt ashley looks so funny in all the pics. oh well.
anyway anyway
had quite a happy birthday ystd :)
im sixteen! whopeedoo.
my lil cousins gv me a present..it ws damn sweet. like gosh! haha
and i got money money frm my relatives :D
hehe.
gna meet sq+ste ltr..

momsie! haha you are damn hell funny! its a good idea tht you left mr toh since all he did ws lim kopi whn you were pushing and pushing so hard. haha thanks dear. love you lotsssss :)

hee. nanapok and ree gave me a big surprise just now at like i dont knw, 7am in the morning i think. whispering so loudly next to my bed. and those 2 mad girls do not eat breakfast and i was starving so i ate like a pig..anyway out of point. gna meet my sister ltr. we're gonna check out tampines mall!! haha so damn cool huh. cos ive nvr been thr and lotsa ppl hv been telling me its really nice. oh well. gtg.
btw thanks, all who wished me! (im STILL waiting for ms tingsie. all ppl but you! even my pri sch friends and (they rmbed!) lex..and at too. IM VERY CROSS WITH YOU, BTW.)
wyn is first again, like last year. haha
sylvia : thanks dear :) whts your blog url btw? i dnt hv any links nw. haha

just came home..
wanted to blog about all the funny stuff tht happened the past few days
but suddenly i feel so..rotten.
like rotten apple discarded in a corner.
argh. me and my crap. hate it.
turning 16 in like, 2 hours.
sure doesnt feel like it.

lets see
no.1 my best friend is like, whoosh, all around the world but here.
no.2 unlike prev years, im celebrating with my FAMILY on the day itself and friends post the actual date. PLUS, no pre celebrations, as you can see. instead, i had an ah soh session consecutively for the 2nd time with sq..it was fun and we kpt laughing at ourselves but we werent exactly having an ah soh celebration..and im talking, or rather, typing to the comp like a deluded moron at this point in time. anw not like thrs anything wrong with my family. i love my aunt and all but my cousins and uncles?? i see them like, 5 times a year. and ths is so..elementary school. i can foresee stilted conversations. oh joy.
no.3 im trying to be in denial but thr's a sinking feeling deep down because i knw everyone wldve already forgotten. (and also busy celebrating with other people who just have to be born on the same day as me..thus needless to say, painting a clear picture as to who is, yknow, more important to them..but whatever..)
no.4 sweet sixteen is actually supposed to mean something.
no.5 the thing is, i dont even feel loved.
no.6 and i really dont think huang weiting actually knws the days as they fly past so she probably wont bother (as usual)
no.7 so ysee im like, so happy right now i could burst in tears.

okay ths is too depressing for further continuation.
so you see, this is really
great. i have a sense of foreboding ths year isnt going to be exactly rosy and happy at all. every year gets increasingly crappy. no wonder like the apple, i rot more and get discarded more as time goes by.
whatever.

TINGS!
i need you here with me :(
stop buying your ralph lauren polos and gucci bags and neglecting me!!
remember 'youre a flower in my hair'??
haha. :)
youre the only one who understands..
fu shuqi is busy poo-ing to care about my hints of romantic talk in msn.
:( oh well.

just re-watched what a girl wants (i know..whaat?? its like, ancient and so princess-diaries-y..) and i really really like the soundtrack! ok actually i dno if all the songs are in the soundtrack bt the songs in the movie are good. ok theyre sappy ballads. but nice sappy ballads! heh. dont knw if the soundtrack still exist..any kind souls? (my bday and xmas coming up :D)

mm let me recap what happened the past few days..
monday went wild wild wet w ree, steph&sq..it ws qt fun la..bt i think the jurong rides were better..actually the kids playground ws the most fun! what can i say..we're all young at heart..the other rides were so-so..oh! and tht cycling in the air thing was SO nt wht i thought it'd be..me&ree were totally freaking out in mid-air, paranoid tht the whole thing was tilted to our sides (as in she thought it was to her bt i thought it ws to me) so we were cycling like, at a snail's pace. yea. haha and that man-made wave thingy ws fun too, now tht i think of it..haha we got bruises and aches by trying to pull each other and wht not..DEAD TIRED. haha and when the waves came we ended up being washed to the shore..so much for all the paddling and grips..
in the end we went chomp chomp for seafood..ws qt ok la. shlda found out tht pasir ris eatery place..then rented White Chicks..bt most of the time ws spent huddling over ths jigsaw puzzle..oh the agony of trying to piece everyth in..bt i think we were all pretty good huh :D ego swells. haha ok i admit i wsnt v helpful actually..haha steph kpt swatting me away whn i 'intruded her di pan' and sq kpt eyeing me and telling me 'dont even think about it' when i tried to squish a stubborn piece into its wrong home..haha bt i solved the mystery of the patch at the end k! haha. went home cross eyed and aching all over..
mm tuesday. had class, the little pri1 girl kpt toying with my patience and i ws so annoyed! shes unbelievable. if i never want to adopt any kids, it'll be kudos to her..anw wht did i do ystd?? oh went town, wanted to get sewing stuff (new hobby :D) but in the end..sigh failed mission la. nonetheless, we had gelare (half price on tues!!) and after which started ths ice fight all of a sudden..
then got specs!! haha :) its purple and just what i wanted! ladidum. collecting on thurs.

had the worst headache ths morning. ok actually it wsnt the worst..tht title wld be appropriate for the one i had before physics prelims..it'll haunt me for life. anw i thought i ws gonna barf but fell aslp..

alrighty..off i go.

btw TINGS, i mailed you ystd!! go check!!

i feel like a sim now!
actually, i WISH i were a sim.
to get someone help me find true love and then get engaged and blah,
and also attend to my every need (i.e simple things like cereal or to gussy up)
i love sims2!!
addicted.

and ok forget it,
aileen stj,
what the heck?
GRR..my cell better beep sometime soon with your message
or u'll be presumed dead and i shall start weeping..
._.
me and my dramatic crap thanks to sims.

anyway.
ms huang weiting.
MSN?? okay?? set a date!! :D

i suddenly realise what date is it today..
and okay, since you probably dont care
cos youre way too sick of me
im letting go, all of it.
i now know memories are not everything
in fact they mean nothing
when only one is holding on to it.
i dont know why things happen the way they do
but everything is so predictable now
im so used to the constant changes
i think about what we had
but i realise you really dont care
so as ive mentioned
im letting go, all of it..

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it (yeah) I can't shake it
Nooo
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
But I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I Can't go on not loving you)
I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I Can't go on not loving you)
Now that I've realized that I'm going down
From all this pain you've put me through
Every time I close my eyes I like it down
I can't go on not loving you

TINGS!
miss you too!! so youre at taiwan now or shanghai? anw pls work out your email..ive got like, so damn much to tell you..hurry before i forget. haha yknow me and my memory problems..haha so hows your hair like? shorter or just thinned it? btw our photos are ready! due to steph's surprising efficiency all of a sudden..haha. the nice ones are already framed on my tables..haha. and you looked good in one of the connexio photos! and i was like, really really pimply cos it was my Major Outbreak period! fainted. and i need to tell you about grad!! better hurry call me or work out your email thing la! i couldnt help you cos i forgot your password. heh. LOVEE! :D

aight..grad's over..
i have to say it wasnt even the least bit heartwarming or touching (apart from our class' powerpt slide). i wasnt glowing with warmth, it didnt feel like anything special happened..it was like, hollow and empty. sat around like a statue..took photos till my mouth ached and my smile became more and more spastic-looking..ate sparse portions of the food..was hungry but didnt feel like eating..but everyone was looking great..charlotte mymy was gorgeous. and i agree that siqi was every bit model-ish..michelle was oh-so sweet. i think she had the prettiest dress that night. and all my girlies looked good! (though that stupid rol was so testing me&xin's patience earlier..-glaresss!) steph was so kirsten dunst-ish in bring it on..esp when she was prancing about in kbox later that night..or should i say morning. were screaming off key and dancing on the sofas to the wee wee wee hours of the morning cos our session ends at 5am..my eyes were SO hurting from wearing contacts all day..but all in all, helluva fun :D were all so duper high except from siqi who sat there, looking pretty and glam while we were erm, letting loose and doing god knows what.
ooh and when we entered kbox cine at 12am we didnt exactly expect to be greeted by a man punching the hell outta this woman. ok we didnt see him punch her, but sq told me her mouth was bleeding and all. oh gawdy. freaked the hell outta us.

cant stand my fringe now..growing sick of it. it gives me this Act Cute image. djsgh. ugh. gross to the max. the stupid guy doing my hair happily snipped and snipped with my hair STRAIGHTENED. hello, when i wash my hair and all is not straightened, imagine how it springs up! grossness.

what on earth is happening to spore idol man. cant be bothered to watch anymore. someone tell me why is sylvester 'sly'?? its the cheesiest thing ever. but his rendition of an jing was really really fab fab..and i dont exactly support taufik either..all his songs seem the same to me. why why why was olinda eliminated?? madness. anyway. its not like ive been an avid fan of spore idol..haha. i hardly watch it since the first few rounds of elimination. so who am i to say..though now that i think back, the major shocker was when jessea was eliminated. like, huh??

sigh. teaching tmrw..the 2hours are pure stretches of patience and nothing else.

nothing is alright without my best friend back here..
but im trying.